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Nov 11, 2018

My Husband I Believed in So Much is Now My Biggest Source of Constant Disappointment

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My Husband I Believed in So Much is Now My Biggest Source of Constant Disappointment Advice Me

Good day evening everyone on these platform... I know you have been an instrument of healing to many ailing hearts and right now I need your assistance and counsel. It feels as though I have failed myself and everyone around me.

I find myself depressed most of the time, The only thing making this life worth living is my 8 months old son. I don't even know where to start or if you will understand what I'm going through.

My Husband I Believed in So Much is Now My Biggest Source of Constant Disappointment

People tell me it's normal to pass through difficult times at a point in one's life and I have tried to endure and carry my cross but this cross is crushing me. My life was going fine till I decided to get married.

We dated for 10 years though with a lot of quarrels and break ups. My parents tried all they could to talk me out of it because they felt I wasn't ready, not age wise(I was 25 then) but because neither I nor my fiance was stable yet. I just came out of medical school did my house job and youth service and was jobless. My fiance had finished NYSC 2 years earlier and started a paint company.

ALSO READ: My Boyfriend Wants me to Get Re-Baptized in His Own Church Before We Get Married [Advice Me]

He convinced me that the business was doing well and he could take care of our family till I got a job. (I didn't know that he was just hoping that the company would pick up after he got married. My dad told me he would give his consent for the marriage as soon as I got a job he was working on( in another town outside where my husband based). My husband and father in-law convinced me that they were going to get me a job in the same town where we will base. And I swallowed it hook, line and sinker and even asked my dad to pause on the job he was working on as I had a better option, I also didn't bother making any further arrangement of my own. My dad finally agreed and we fixed a date 4 months away and I hoped the job would come before then but it didn't.

About 2 months to the wedding I realized I was pregnant. We wedded and my husband used up his entire savings (not up to a million Naira and even made a deal with his family to sponsor the remaining things on loan. When I found out he spent all he had, I consoled myself with the fact that we would make some money from the wedding and use it to start life.

To my surprise, his parents pressurized him into submitting all the money to them as payment for the loan and they gave him #200,000 from it. I was shocked but as a new wife I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot. I then discovered few weeks later that he hasn't paid his rent which he told me he did long before we started discussing wedding plans.

He apologized and said I shouldn't worry and I trusted him till they gave us 7 days quit notice, meanwhile we had already spent more than half of the #200,000, I had to bring out my money I was saving to get us a car as we don't have one and made up his #250, 000 rent.

As soon as my money was out of treasury bill we kept spending it as I wasn't working and his business wasn't moving. At a point I asked him to ask his parents for help (because they are financially OK unlike mine) but he said they will mock him that he can't feed his wife, I kept managing with him.

We barely had food to eat and at a point I couldn't also afford transport fare to a hospital I was working in part time without pay just so I don't lose my medical knowledge. It got so bad I had to go to my parents for help and they were feeding us till I put to bed.

My mom suggested I do 'omugwo' in my father's house since my husband obviously can't sponsor or feed us during the period and he agreed. Meanwhile he borrowed money from his dad to pay my hospital bills.

During the time in my parents house, he kept clashing with my parents because he started feeling insecure and felt I was ganging with my parents against him. It got so bad that he didn't acknowledge anything my parents did for us but rather banned me from seeing them.

After much persuasion from me, he agreed that I see them occasionally (in fact the story is too long but the summary is that since then till date I and my parents barely talk because I chose him again against their advice.

After the omugwo ended, he took me back home and we were back to square one, unable to feed( all these while I still didn't have a job because my father in law disappointed me, my father's own was no longer available and because of my pregnancy and delivery I couldn't find a job on my own even though I tried.)

At a point, I was fed up and told him to go ask his parents for help since he has banned me from asking my parents for help and he wasn't making any money and we started quarreling to the extent that I packed my bags and went to my parents house.

I told them I was done with the marriage because the suffering was too much. They agreed with me because they didn't understand how their only daughter, a medical doctor and a nursing mother can't feed. My husband started convincing me to come back that it's not fair raising our son without a father and I went back, more over all these while I believed our love will conquer eventually.

After I went back with him, my parents washed their hands off me and told me I was on my own since I want to go and keep suffering. They advised us to stay separate for a while and told my husband that they would cater for me and my son while he works on stabilizing his business and then come for me but he refused and told me that my parents were looking for a way to separate us.

Since I came back with him, he flares up anytime I mention my family because he said they owe him an apology for keeping me that period I left. I didn't want to have a failed marriage so I stuck with him hoping that things will improve but we ended up now at his parents mercy as they were the ones feeding us. As soon as my son was 4 months I took up my CV and started job hunting again desperately, meanwhile my initial plan was to move to the UK but I kept failing a part of the exam and with my current situation I couldn't afford to try again. I finally got a job in a newly established hospital in a remote area but I didn't mind. My husband agreed to and we relocated.

We borrowed money from his parents for house rent and relocation expenses. Currently, almost two years into this marriage my husband still can't feed us and his mum is the one feeding us because his dad has abandoned us. I thought my job would help out but unfortunately my boss keeps owing me because we don't have enough patients. I don't know why I m so unlucky.

Now, I work round the clock with no salary, I have started looking for another job though I'm financially constrained. I obviously can't afford any personal need, I manage to even afford the baby's needs. I don't even have powder. My hair is a mess.

My husband leaves me here with my son and a help without money for any basic need, he comes home every weekend empty handed and I ll give him transport fare for his next trip the upper week.

He tells me he is going to find clients in town as we stay in a village and his business won't move here. I have advised him to diversify, find something else in addition to his business, he said he needs capital for any other business he gets into,  I have also asked him to look for a job since he is a chemical engineer, he said there's no job.

I don't know what to do again. The only time he comes home with money after his trip is when his mum gives him transport money like #5000. Nowadays, he disgusts me and I keep regretting ever getting married. I had a lot of dreams and hope for my marriage but I haven't even enjoyed it even a bit.

It seems my life has been on a steady crash since the day I said I do. How do I continue in this marriage? , how do I stay strong for my son?, how do I stop this constant depression that overwhelms me every time. What more can I do. Please, just advise me like a mother because mine won't even understand. How do you live when someone you believed in so much is your biggest source of constant disappointment? Please, help me. I don't know how you' ll do it but I know you can. I need advise.

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